Pig report
#1
I've been away for a while. Health issues prevented me from hiking too much. I did manage to make it to the end of the driveway from time to time. I only have Pig left. The vet told me the others were just old. I didn't appreciate that diagnosis, being just old myself.

Last time I went to the doctor I told her I was doing great. She said that a guy who waves his arms to keep breathing, bangs on his chest to keep his heart going, and 'walks' by lying in a 4 -person stretcher, is not great.  She obviously does not see it from the perspective of the alternative.

She is supposed to be an expert in geriatrics. I would get a new doctor, but I can't find one listed under mori-atrics. Maybe if I find one who speaks Latin (a dead language), s/he would be more sensitive in bedside manner.

Against all odds, I have increased the oxygen transfer in my lungs from 60% to 74%, re tuned my cpap by recirculating more CO2 eliminating all apnea events, and use O2 just for sleeping or strenuous hiking. I also learned to convert afib events in the field, so I no longer have to go to the ER.  I do remind those hiking with me that should I die on the trail, not to load me on the goat. I am too heavy. They must quarter me first and make several trips. I never smoked but was raised in So. Cal. where you can't trust air that you can't see.

The worst part about ER runs is that  ER doctors don't communicate with the hospital doctors very well and so they set expectations that the other's can't perform.  The ER doc said I could eat before midnight, once in the room they wouldn't let me eat. The ER doc said I'd live, but because of previously failed expectations, I am not so sure.

I told them, " I am doing much better... I think I'll go for a walk."  So I did. 

Went up the Clyde Lake trail in the Uintas last weekend and brought along enough family members they wouldn't have to make several trips.

I couldn't get the saddle on Pig without modifications. He is now 37" tall and 52" girth. I estimate 350 pounds. Fortunately, I had some leather for a new chest strap. I would be tempted to clone him if Mrs. Eddie is no longer doing breading. He is as big as the neighbors donkey's and has a much better personality. The donkeys don't laugh at my jokes.

I am between jobs, though I am not sure how far between them since the new one is not yet in sight. It used to be that I could get a job easily by handing the boss an envelope with pictures of his wife and kids, but now you have to go through an HR person and an interviewing committee. You almost need to bring the goat to carry all the envelopes. I am identified as a goatherd on LinkedIn.

The last one asked me how long I worked for XYZ company. I knew it was a trick question since that information was easily available in the resume they scanned into the HR AI, and so never actually read themselves. "Ever since they found me sleeping at the desk."  I didn't get the job. I guess I need better pictures.

My wife doesn't like me writing about her, but I have the best wife a man could ask for. Before I had goats I went on a one-day fishing trip where we fished nine lakes up near Clyde. It was one of those team building things with guys from the office. I think bowling would have been better than a trip like 'Deliverance'. I was beat. But my wife says "You need to do more fishing."  Well I got the goats to help me do that. Then at Christmas I put a case of beer in the fridge. About June, I had only had drank a couple, and she was wanting to make room; she says "You need to drink more beer." 

I had been carrying the baby goats around in the back of the minivan. As they got older I was carrying 1000 pounds of goat meat. She says, "You need a real truck. "  and bought me a 1-ton flatbed and an 18' flatbed trailer.  I know a bunch of you guys are waiting for me to kick off already.

So the doctor said i need more exercise. I turned to my wife and said, "That sounds like sex three times a day."  She said "Get a personal trainer."  So I meet with the personal trainer three times a day.....

We're at the state fair and pass the booth where they sell funeral services. I said to the guy, "She'd like to make arrangements for me. She doesn't care about the casket or the services, or cremation or not. She  just wants to set the date." 

I have gotten hooked on the SoloStoves. I gave one of the small ones to each of the kids for camping. My son just bought me the Bonfire model so I can pretend I am camping in the back yard. He really didn't need to do that. I have been camping there ever since I got the personal trainer.

We are approaching our 40th anniversary, and so I told the guys at work I was a marriage expert. On mother's day I say "Wife. I gave you four kids, so I'll give you a day alone with them. "  They are shocked at this and wonder how that will help them. When their wives are mad at them, they just have to tell them about me, and they will be happy they are stuck with them.

The down side is that on Father's day I ask "Wife. What did you get me for Father's day?"  She says, "Nothing. They're not yours."

We are really still happily married. Four kids and 5 grand kids. I actually am doing better now than I have been in a long time. One of the jobs I applied for was as a tower technician. I figure that will save my wife from having to hire a hit man.
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#2
BOB!! So great to see you... er... hear from you again after all this time! You sure haven't lost your sense of humor.

I'm glad Pig is doing well. Carolyn Eddie, alas, is no longer breeding goats because she is no longer with us. Sad

I can't believe Pig is 350 lbs. with a 52" girth! How is that possible?? I thought our "Cuzco the One-Horned Wonder" was big at 38" tall with a 45" girth. He was 200 lbs. when in good flesh (sometimes he topped 215# if I let him get too fat). He went to rest two years ago at the ripe old age of 15.

I hope you continue to do better than you've been in a long time, and I hope you'll continue to check in from time to time. I miss your hilarious stories and commentary.
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#3
Well if anyone does cloning, it would be a shame to lose his genetics. Carolyn was a master.
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