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Pig report - Printable Version

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Pig report - Bob Jones - 09-10-2019

I've been away for a while. Health issues prevented me from hiking too much. I did manage to make it to the end of the driveway from time to time. I only have Pig left. The vet told me the others were just old. I didn't appreciate that diagnosis, being just old myself.

Last time I went to the doctor I told her I was doing great. She said that a guy who waves his arms to keep breathing, bangs on his chest to keep his heart going, and 'walks' by lying in a 4 -person stretcher, is not great.  She obviously does not see it from the perspective of the alternative.

She is supposed to be an expert in geriatrics. I would get a new doctor, but I can't find one listed under mori-atrics. Maybe if I find one who speaks Latin (a dead language), s/he would be more sensitive in bedside manner.

Against all odds, I have increased the oxygen transfer in my lungs from 60% to 74%, re tuned my cpap by recirculating more CO2 eliminating all apnea events, and use O2 just for sleeping or strenuous hiking. I also learned to convert afib events in the field, so I no longer have to go to the ER.  I do remind those hiking with me that should I die on the trail, not to load me on the goat. I am too heavy. They must quarter me first and make several trips. I never smoked but was raised in So. Cal. where you can't trust air that you can't see.

The worst part about ER runs is that  ER doctors don't communicate with the hospital doctors very well and so they set expectations that the other's can't perform.  The ER doc said I could eat before midnight, once in the room they wouldn't let me eat. The ER doc said I'd live, but because of previously failed expectations, I am not so sure.

I told them, " I am doing much better... I think I'll go for a walk."  So I did. 

Went up the Clyde Lake trail in the Uintas last weekend and brought along enough family members they wouldn't have to make several trips.

I couldn't get the saddle on Pig without modifications. He is now 37" tall and 52" girth. I estimate 350 pounds. Fortunately, I had some leather for a new chest strap. I would be tempted to clone him if Mrs. Eddie is no longer doing breading. He is as big as the neighbors donkey's and has a much better personality. The donkeys don't laugh at my jokes.

I am between jobs, though I am not sure how far between them since the new one is not yet in sight. It used to be that I could get a job easily by handing the boss an envelope with pictures of his wife and kids, but now you have to go through an HR person and an interviewing committee. You almost need to bring the goat to carry all the envelopes. I am identified as a goatherd on LinkedIn.

The last one asked me how long I worked for XYZ company. I knew it was a trick question since that information was easily available in the resume they scanned into the HR AI, and so never actually read themselves. "Ever since they found me sleeping at the desk."  I didn't get the job. I guess I need better pictures.

My wife doesn't like me writing about her, but I have the best wife a man could ask for. Before I had goats I went on a one-day fishing trip where we fished nine lakes up near Clyde. It was one of those team building things with guys from the office. I think bowling would have been better than a trip like 'Deliverance'. I was beat. But my wife says "You need to do more fishing."  Well I got the goats to help me do that. Then at Christmas I put a case of beer in the fridge. About June, I had only had drank a couple, and she was wanting to make room; she says "You need to drink more beer." 

I had been carrying the baby goats around in the back of the minivan. As they got older I was carrying 1000 pounds of goat meat. She says, "You need a real truck. "  and bought me a 1-ton flatbed and an 18' flatbed trailer.  I know a bunch of you guys are waiting for me to kick off already.

So the doctor said i need more exercise. I turned to my wife and said, "That sounds like sex three times a day."  She said "Get a personal trainer."  So I meet with the personal trainer three times a day.....

We're at the state fair and pass the booth where they sell funeral services. I said to the guy, "She'd like to make arrangements for me. She doesn't care about the casket or the services, or cremation or not. She  just wants to set the date." 

I have gotten hooked on the SoloStoves. I gave one of the small ones to each of the kids for camping. My son just bought me the Bonfire model so I can pretend I am camping in the back yard. He really didn't need to do that. I have been camping there ever since I got the personal trainer.

We are approaching our 40th anniversary, and so I told the guys at work I was a marriage expert. On mother's day I say "Wife. I gave you four kids, so I'll give you a day alone with them. "  They are shocked at this and wonder how that will help them. When their wives are mad at them, they just have to tell them about me, and they will be happy they are stuck with them.

The down side is that on Father's day I ask "Wife. What did you get me for Father's day?"  She says, "Nothing. They're not yours."

We are really still happily married. Four kids and 5 grand kids. I actually am doing better now than I have been in a long time. One of the jobs I applied for was as a tower technician. I figure that will save my wife from having to hire a hit man.

RE: Pig report - Nanno - 09-10-2019

BOB!! So great to see you... er... hear from you again after all this time! You sure haven't lost your sense of humor.

I'm glad Pig is doing well. Carolyn Eddie, alas, is no longer breeding goats because she is no longer with us. Sad

I can't believe Pig is 350 lbs. with a 52" girth! How is that possible?? I thought our "Cuzco the One-Horned Wonder" was big at 38" tall with a 45" girth. He was 200 lbs. when in good flesh (sometimes he topped 215# if I let him get too fat). He went to rest two years ago at the ripe old age of 15.

I hope you continue to do better than you've been in a long time, and I hope you'll continue to check in from time to time. I miss your hilarious stories and commentary.

RE: Pig report - Bob Jones - 09-10-2019

Well if anyone does cloning, it would be a shame to lose his genetics. Carolyn was a master.

RE: Pig report - blackie's maiden - 03-25-2020

Bob, I don't know if I ever met you at one of the Rendies or not but would love to. What a wonderful sense of humor! Thank you for so many chuckles in these crazy times! Will have my Hubby read it. We are both getting cabin fever.

RE: Pig report - Bob Jones - 03-25-2020

(03-25-2020, 04:28 PM)blackie\s maiden Wrote: Bob, I don't know if I ever met you at one of the Rendies or not but would love to. What a wonderful sense of humor! Thank you for so many chuckles in these  crazy times! Will have my Hubby read it. We are both getting cabin fever.
I'm glad you enjoy it. We used to have a lively group here.  I don't participate as much these days. I suppose some of the old articles are still around. "City Slicker's Guide to <something or other>" " The Ballad of Yanni Sigismundensis" . There may be other things useful for a chuckle here and there.

Things have gone crazy here. I went out for butter the other day. The lines were forever long, the shelves were empty. These hoarders just ruined it. I was disappointed that I could only get 120 pounds of butter rather than the 150 pounds I wanted.

But we'll get through it. Don't panic when the internet goes down for days on end. You might consider downloading and hoarding articles for the black out.

Edit - Sorry, some of the articles ended up in the 'other' forum'. You might enjoy them anyway.

RE: Pig report - Nanno - 03-26-2020

I thoroughly enjoy your posts, Bob, and I miss having you around. I wish it were easier to transfer stuff from the "other" forum but it just isn't and I'm sad that it's basically lost unless you already have it bookmarked somewhere.

RE: Pig report - Bob Jones - 03-26-2020

I was able to do a search on author.. as me. it came up with about 800 posts

Even my "airport Security Line Line Dance"

RE: Pig report - Nanno - 03-26-2020

Nice! Well if you ever want to copy/paste any of those old tales over here we sure could use some lively entertainment! I was very sad when we lost all those old archives years ago and I just couldn't transfer it all here without making it look like I authored all of it. I copy/pasted some of my posts and also some of Rex's under a generic "PackGoatCentral" username, but that was about it.

RE: Pig report - Bob Jones - 05-22-2020

Well Pig decided it was time. We are now goatless. When we started with goats, no one was sure about lifespans. 12 -15 is our experience, though we weren't sure on ages with Diego and Mikey. I definitely recommend getting them young so they bond to you. The ones we picked up older sometimes wanted to do their own thing and would have taken the herd with them if the younger ones were not bonded to me. I had to out-goat the goat from time to time. Butting heads wasn't too bad.. it was the peeing on my beard that was just about too much.

RE: Pig report - Nanno - 05-22-2020

I'm so sorry. How old was he? It seems like just yesterday when you got him. He was only about 10 wasn't he? I wonder if the really big boys just don't last quite as long. I hope he had a serene departure. Do you think you'll get more goats?